I have been debating whether or not to start a blog for some time now. I have so many things I come across in my life that I believe other mothers and women will appreciate. Whether it be an experience, a recipe, an awesome deal on a must have baby item, or just a mommy challenge that we all have.
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| Josh and I at our highschool graduation 04. |
I should start off by telling a little bit about me and my beautiful family. I am married to my high school sweetheart, it sounds cheesy I know, but its true! We started dating at 17 and have been together ever since. Josh joined the military in 2005 when we were on a "break"... oh being a teenager!
Well, we got back together and I moved to Edmonton, once Josh was posted there, to start our life together. As a BC born and bred girl it was a seriously hard transition, but it was such an important test of our relationship. We made it through and managed to form a stronger relationship, and we are truly best friends first and foremost.
But there were more trials to come, in the fall of 2008 we found out that he would be deployed to Afghanistan in 2009. That Christmas we got engaged, and in early 2009 we found out we were expecting. We were thrilled but also scared, at the time I thought the timing was wrong, but I also knew that I wanted nothing more than to be a mother. I was the child that played with baby dolls all day long, and when people asked me what I wanted to be when I was grown-up I would say, " A mommy and a singer." haha well the second option was a bit off....
I remember going to my aunt's house and if my baby cousin was sleeping, I'd be so disappointed that I'd sneak into her room and walk VERY loudly, cough as LOUD as I could until she woke up, and then say, " Oh auntie!! She's awake!" My aunt took it with such grace, I'm not sure if I would have felt the same!!
My pregnancy was very normal and besides feeling lethargic, I felt wonderful most of the time. Josh doted on me whenever he was home and not away on training, preparing to go on his deployment. We took that summer to spend 4 weeks together in BC with our family before he had to go at the end of September. I knew right away that I could not have our baby in Edmonton all by myself, so I made the decision to have her in BC and stay with my parents for the 6 months he was supposed to be gone.
As the day came closer, I grew more and more anxious, it seemed unfathomable that I should have to say goodbye to him. The day I drove Josh to the base, where he got on a bus to take him to the airport....I think will be impossible for me to explain. I really felt as if my heart was being torn out, I was terrified and in anguish. At the time I wasn't sure if he would be able to make it for our daughter's birth in November, I also wasn't sure if she would wait.
Well the day came that I picked my love up from the airport, looking like a beached whale....she waited. Six days later ( my actual due date) I was induced thanks to my wonderful obstetrician. I'll spare everyone the gory details, but may I just say....EPIDURALS ROCK!
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| Ellie, one day old, feels like forever ago! |
November, 19th, 2009 was the best day of my life. As soon as I looked into my daughter's eyes I knew that was where I belonged, that nothing I would ever do in my life would compare to this moment, and that I would do absolutely anything for my beautiful baby.
Mommy, daddy and baby Ellie spent 11 magical days together before we had to say goodbye to daddy.....anguish. It was the most magical time of our lives coupled with the most difficult time. We celebrated an early first Christmas with presents and dinner and fun and sadness on Dec.1st, on Dec.2nd we sent daddy off.
I put my heart and soul into our child, and every time I felt like life was unbearably hard and felt sorry for myself, she made sure I was in check. I couldn't possibly stay sad, all I had to do was look into Ellie's eyes and I felt an unmeasurable amount love, isn't love the greatest cure?
My husband's time away was much harder, he was not able to have a break for weeks at a time, lost friends, and was unable to contact me for long periods, the longest being a month. That month was a very hard time for me, I tried to remember the old saying, "No news is good news." But your mind is racing with what-ifs. Even thinking back to this time makes me feels anxious all over again.
In retrospect I can see that I was depressed, I hardly ventured out, I put all my energies into Ellie, but shut everyone else in my life out. I skipped out on any outings or holidays that would involve questioning about Josh or being around couples. I did eventually start going to workout classes with my best friend a few days a week which helped my spirits immensely.
I now see that getting pregnant when I did was the PERFECT timing. Without Ellie I never would have been able to be as strong as I was, I never would have been able to smile so much, I never would have been able to feel so much love and hope. I tear up just thinking of those months, Ellie looking into my eyes with adoring devotion and letting me know that everything was going to be alright.
Josh ended up staying 2 extra months in Afghanistan, it seemed like we couldn't catch a break, it seemed like his spirit was breaking. And in the midst of this I was trying to plan our wedding, not actually knowing when he would be home. The wedding became immensely important to me, when marriage wasn't very important to me previously. But to me it came to symbolize, moving on, moving forward and starting our life together.
I eventually managed to plan our wedding and Josh finally came back to us at the end of May 2010. Bliss followed.
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| Our special day |
We got to spend a glorious summer traveling around BC as a family , celebrated our marriage on September 17th, and then moved into our first home all together at the end of that month. The rest has been beautiful yet challenging.
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| together again |
I am so proud of my husband and so grateful that he came home to us, so many men weren't able to come home. He is such a strong person to have gone through everything he has and still not lose his genuinely kind heart. He is the real deal, I can't believe how lucky I am.Whenever I see him with our daughter, love in his eyes, my heart melts.
Learning to accept help from my him was probably the hardest transition. Sometimes ( as I'm sure every other mother understands in some way) its difficult to find enough of "me" for everyone. I give 100% of myself to my daughter and that doesn't often leave much left for my husband. But life is about balance and I'm learning as I go along. As my daughter is entering full out "toddlerhood" balance and time is very important in my life.
And seriously how fun and challenging is raising a toddler, so fascinating!!
I hope some people will be able to skim through this novel HA! I wanted to get our unique family story out of the way so we can move on to the really fun stuff I have planned for this blog.
Some of which includes;
Mommy Find Monday's- Where I will be highlighting some of my absolute FAVORITE baby, toddler and kid products and companies ( and how to get them for the best price) and also some great finds JUST for mommy's too!
Recipe Wednesday- Do you have a ultra picky toddler like me? Or possibly a Gluten-allergy like I do? Or a husband that LOVES cookies like mine? You'll find tons of easy ( I only do easy ) recipes here!
Frugal Fashion Fridays- As a lover of fashion and a mother I have to find fashion fixes that fit more into the family budget but still make me feel amazing!! When I don't have time to wash my hair or put on make-up nothing makes me feel better than a good outfit.
See you soon!
- Rebecca
