|Josh and I at our highschool graduation 04.|
I remember going to my aunt's house and if my baby cousin was sleeping, I'd be so disappointed that I'd sneak into her room and walk VERY loudly, cough as LOUD as I could until she woke up, and then say, " Oh auntie!! She's awake!" My aunt took it with such grace, I'm not sure if I would have felt the same!!
My pregnancy was very normal and besides feeling lethargic, I felt wonderful most of the time. Josh doted on me whenever he was home and not away on training, preparing to go on his deployment. We took that summer to spend 4 weeks together in BC with our family before he had to go at the end of September. I knew right away that I could not have our baby in Edmonton all by myself, so I made the decision to have her in BC and stay with my parents for the 6 months he was supposed to be gone.
As the day came closer, I grew more and more anxious, it seemed unfathomable that I should have to say goodbye to him. The day I drove Josh to the base, where he got on a bus to take him to the airport....I think will be impossible for me to explain. I really felt as if my heart was being torn out, I was terrified and in anguish. At the time I wasn't sure if he would be able to make it for our daughter's birth in November, I also wasn't sure if she would wait.
|Ellie, one day old, feels like forever ago!|
My husband's time away was much harder, he was not able to have a break for weeks at a time, lost friends, and was unable to contact me for long periods, the longest being a month. That month was a very hard time for me, I tried to remember the old saying, "No news is good news." But your mind is racing with what-ifs. Even thinking back to this time makes me feels anxious all over again.
In retrospect I can see that I was depressed, I hardly ventured out, I put all my energies into Ellie, but shut everyone else in my life out. I skipped out on any outings or holidays that would involve questioning about Josh or being around couples. I did eventually start going to workout classes with my best friend a few days a week which helped my spirits immensely.
I now see that getting pregnant when I did was the PERFECT timing. Without Ellie I never would have been able to be as strong as I was, I never would have been able to smile so much, I never would have been able to feel so much love and hope. I tear up just thinking of those months, Ellie looking into my eyes with adoring devotion and letting me know that everything was going to be alright.
Josh ended up staying 2 extra months in Afghanistan, it seemed like we couldn't catch a break, it seemed like his spirit was breaking. And in the midst of this I was trying to plan our wedding, not actually knowing when he would be home. The wedding became immensely important to me, when marriage wasn't very important to me previously. But to me it came to symbolize, moving on, moving forward and starting our life together.
I eventually managed to plan our wedding and Josh finally came back to us at the end of May 2010. Bliss followed.
|Our special day|
I hope some people will be able to skim through this novel HA! I wanted to get our unique family story out of the way so we can move on to the really fun stuff I have planned for this blog.
Mommy Find Monday's- Where I will be highlighting some of my absolute FAVORITE baby, toddler and kid products and companies ( and how to get them for the best price) and also some great finds JUST for mommy's too!
Recipe Wednesday- Do you have a ultra picky toddler like me? Or possibly a Gluten-allergy like I do? Or a husband that LOVES cookies like mine? You'll find tons of easy ( I only do easy ) recipes here!
Frugal Fashion Fridays- As a lover of fashion and a mother I have to find fashion fixes that fit more into the family budget but still make me feel amazing!! When I don't have time to wash my hair or put on make-up nothing makes me feel better than a good outfit.
See you soon!